The Christmas decorations are packed away, school, college
and University’s are back. Unless you find yourself the parent of a third level
student who tells you that they are not going back to UNI. The harsh truth, however, is that very many students will
probably be re-examining their options before the year is out. The statistics
are sobering. According to the Higher Education Authority, about 17 per cent of
students across the seven universities drop out of their chosen course.
But when you are the parent hearing these words " I don't want to go back to University", from
experience I can tell you shock comes first and a million thoughts flash into
your mind, and there doesn't appear to be anywhere to go for advice. You will feel a range of emotions from heartbreak and deep sadness but remember this is not about you,
not really, so getting angry will serve no purpose.
When your young adult sits you down and tells you, remember
they have been thinking about this for many weeks or months even and I found best is to take a bit of time on your own to let this news sink in.
We decided to go out for a coffee and chat, my advice is as
a parent, you-Listen, Listen -Listen. Your son or daughter will have mentally
had this conversation in their minds a thousand times and at that moment they
need to tell you everything. You need to listen calmly so you can also get all
the relevant information that lead them to this decision.
I learned when the decision was made some months before and also what things were done before it was acted on. Talking to student services,
seeing a Councillor over a period of time and really going into is this
decision weighing it up, looking under every pebble so to speak.
In our case it was not homesickness, loneliness, being
overwhelmed with living away from home as sometimes happens, it was simply “the
wrong course.” We calmly talked about all these issues for hours taking time to
adjust to the answers. We spoke to
family who had been through University and also a lecture there but at
the end of the day this was her decision, something she’d been brought up to
do. Make her own decisions and learn to live with the consequences of these
decisions.
Once that was clear the next most important part is
supporting them in their choice. It does feel like there is a stigma about
leaving College early and some can experience a feeling of failure.
Since this
happened to us I’m surprised to learn how many others have gone through this and it
has been nothing but the right choice for them and they have all gone on to
find their right career path, often returning to University again on the right course
for them.
There are practical things to go through, like notifying the University and accommodation, scary if your child is attending overseas.
In our
experience the University have been very helpful and they are experienced in
this so don’t be afraid to talk to them.
Our young adult returned to University herself to fill in
the forms, pack up and hand in keys and say goodbyes to friends that had been
made while there. This is also a hard part of this decision saying goodbye to good friends
who your teen had bonded with living away from home.
The aftermath - some time to gather themselves after going
through this is probably a good thing, they maybe have experienced many sleepless
nights and days of anxiety before telling you and need time to recover
themselves before the next stage of their journey begins again. There may even
need to seek professional help or guidance but they will come through this with
Support and a time will come when you all can look back at the period and take
lessons from it.
And talking publicly about it should lessen the stigma around
these important choices our young people are making for themselves.
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